Things I Should Feel Awful About (But Really Don't)

I used to be a people pleaser.  I used to try to make everyone like me.  Now, I don't care particularly if you like me or not.  I'm going to be nice to you, because I'm a nice person, but it really depends if I actually give a rat's ass about you or not.  In that line of thought, I've come up with a couple of things I should feel awful about, but truthfully I don't care.

• Disliking certain people for no reason: I'm sure everyone has felt this at one time or another.  There are just certain people that no matter what they do or how they behave, you really really dislike them.  To the point when you see them post on Facebook or whatever, you not only wonder why the hell they're your friend but also get a deep feeling of annoyance.

• Getting frustrated with small talk: this isn't always.  Sometimes small talk is good.  But I'm sorry checkout dude, when it's 5:30, and I'm buying two bottles of wine and a meal that's obviously for one, do you really think I'm in the mood to chat with you about the traffic or the rain?  Especially when I have yet to actually smile at you?

• Writing off people's problems: truthfully, I don't care if you are pissed off about being at work.  Or about your marital status or the fight you had with your boyfriend, or the state of the union.  It may sound super selfish and petty, but really, today, I just don't give a flying fart in space. 

• Eating crap and not tracking it: sometimes you just need to eat junk food and not feel guilty about it or the amount of it you've eaten.  And you don't want flack from your scale or your friends or others.  Yeah yeah emotional eating is bad, blah blah blah.  Truth is: SOMETIMES COOKIES DO MAKE IT BETTER.

• Disliking people's sympathy: I really appreciate all the phone calls and the texts and the messages people leave places or make or send when a crisis arises.  No truthfully I do.  It makes me feel loved.  BUT what I dislike, and this is awful, but I hate when people continue to harp on the sympathy.  Or worse, when they start with the sympathy, move on to something else, then circle back to the sympathy.  I don't need/want buckets and buckets of sympathy. I want a dash.  A bit.  A brief two minutes where you express your concern and love.  Then we can move on.  And I don't want to go back to it.  I got it, you're sorry for me and you love me.   Stop harping.

See these are ALL things that I utterly should feel terrible about. I should not want to do these things.  I should be a nicer person.  But the truth is, sometimes I'm not.  And today happens to be one of those days.