Owning vs Renting

The first thing people notice when they walk into my apartment is how clean it is (because I spent the last day and a half cleaning it knowing full well that people would be coming over) (please don't surprise visit me with at least a text or phone call.  You don't know what you'll be walking into!).  The second thing they notice is my DVD collection.  It's quite expansive and people always seem surprised that I have so many movies and TV shows in this day and age where you can rent movies for a dollar, or have them on demand, or watching Netflix and Hulu at the click of a remote.  Don't get me wrong, I love my Netflix, and I'm a big fan of Hulu as well.  Anything that lets me watch TV continuously I have no issue with.  However, I love to own DVDs of my favorite shows and movies, because there's so much more you can learn when you watch them over and over again.  Plus have you SEEN blooper reels?  They're hilarious!  And interviews, and commentary and extras.  I'm a big fan of the extras.  For example, did you know that Alex O'Loughlin is Australian?  I didn't until I watched the first season of Hawaii 5-O with commentary.  And now, as some of you who have read my other posts or know me know, I am newly (sorta) obsessed with three shows: Doctor Who, Sherlock, and most recently Supernatural.  However, I don't own any of the seasons.  Like at all.  It's been purely Netflix for these bad boys, and I think that's a shame.  Because I want to hear Christopher Eccleston's thoughts on his time as the doctor, and I want to listen to Benedict Cumberbatch and Martin Freeman talk about their bromance, and I NEED to see Jensen Ackles and Jared Padalecki with their bloopers because frankly, those two are just flipping hilarious.  This is why I need to own, not for the shows themselves, but for the extras. I neeeeeed the extras.    

The Who Premonition

I used to be very simple in my TV choices.  I liked shows that made me laugh, or reminded me of myself.  I was not really a fan of suspenseful shows that gave me chills, the same way I am not a fan of movies that are scary.  If I'm going to watch TV, I'm going to watch something I enjoy.  Well, that changed a great deal, and I can't quite put my finger on when or why, but it did.  While I still very much enjoy shows that make me laugh (The Big Bang Theory? Pure comedy genius) and shows that remind me of myself (the only one that really comes to mind is Gilmore Girls, which I know isn't on the air anymore), I've become a huge fan of shows that challenge my beliefs and my scaredy-cat nature.  Now these shows fall into a couple of different categories: the Could be Real, and the Definitely Not Real.  Of course several shows fall into the Dear God I hope it's not real, but wouldn't it be awesome if it were? category.  But this isn't about those.  This is about the sinking feeling you get when you're watching an episode of a show at the beginning of the season and something happens and all you can think is "Oh shit that is not going to end well."  I call it the Who Premonition, mainly because I first noticed it when I was watching David Tennant as the Doctor on Doctor Who.  I knew that he left after a certain amount of time, because the show is still on, and now Matt Smith is the Doctor, but I didn't know exactly when.  Then I met Donna for the second time, and I thought "Oh no.  This is going to end with my Doctor leaving, and I'm going to be so sad!"  The Who Premonition.  I was struck with this premonition quite strongly last night as I sat watching Season Two of Supernatural (a show that falls firmly in the Not Real but wouldn't it be cool if it were? category).  Dean and Sam had just stolen a couple of SWAT guys uniforms and snuck out of a surrounded bank.  As they sat in the car, and Renegade started playing, all I could think was "Shit dudes.  This is going to end so terribly badly for you." Now I haven't gotten to the end of Season Two, mainly because I do work, and I enjoy going to bed at a decent hour, but I have all of Saturday to watch to the end and possibly some of Season Three as well.  I'll revisit this and let you know if my premonition was correct or not!        

Writing about Risks

Writing about risks is hard for me.  I tend to talk all big about things and then chicken out at the last minute.  Which is how I ended up at a dive bar in Lago Vista listening to a (crappy) local country artist rather than at Moma's hanging out with an awesome band I had met the night before during SXSW 2007. Or I take the risk and it turns out badly.  Which is how I fractured my ankle freshman year (I fell off a rock wall which I had been dared to climb in my bare feet).  Risks haven't really worked out all that well for me either way. So this month's NaBloMo theme is a tough one for me.  Like today's topic, a risk that paid off.  Well I don't really know any risks that I've taken that have paid off.  At least not major ones.  I suppose that going to a college where I didn't know a soul was a risk, and that paid off big time.  I met so many amazing people in my life that I would never have met had I gone to the other school I was considering.  I suppose moving out of my former living residence three months before the (unofficial) lease was up was a risk, and it paid off, in that I now live (happily) on my own and there was no back splash from my former landlord.  I suppose those things are risks.  But I guess what holds me up is that I tend to think of risks as something that has either a good major consequence or a bad major consequence.  Not little things that have mediocre good or bad endings.

Risks and Rewards

Risks and Rewards.  It's an interesting topic to write about for my first post of March, because I'm not a risk-taker.  I tend to shy away from major scary risks, which means I probably miss out on a bunch of cool rewards.  However in my more mature age, I have come to the realization that everything is a risk.  Everything we do or don't do is taking a risk of some sort, and while some of the risks come with consequences, some come with benefits or rewards.  Why would we not strive for those benefits?  Personally, I'm making strides to overcome my naturally shy and scared personality to branch out and do things that I've been too timid to do in the past.  For example, I've always been too embarrassed to go out to eat by myself or go to the movies alone.  My oversocialized nature told me that it was bad that I didn't have anyone to go do that stuff with, and therefore I shouldn't do it.  However, I really thought about it, and came to the conclusion that that reasoning was RIDICULOUS.  Utterly and completely ridiculous.  Now I go to the movies by myself all the time.  I in fact enjoy it more, because people aren't trying to talk to me during and I can really pay attention to it!  The eating out thing I do as well, but with less positive results.  Don't get me wrong, I don't mind eating alone, especially when I have a book to read, but there are times when I feel funny sitting at a table all by myself.  However, it is a risk I have taken, and I'm glad I have!  Branching out can be fun!

Sadness (For Others)

For the most part, I'm a pretty easy going kid.  Sure I've got a couple of hot button topics (the Red Sox, Josh Groban, my religion), but usually I can take other people's opinions with a grain of understanding.  Do not judge, lest you be judged, right?  I wasn't always this easy going person though.  There was a time in the not so distant past where I would not only judge if you had a different opinion than mine, I would argue and try to convince you of the rightness of my point.  This was never about important matters like politics, or environmental issues. I don't know nearly enough for that kind of conversation.  Oh no, this girl liked to argue the point of entertainment, movies, music, books and the like.  I'm nothing if not consistent.  However, in the past couple of years, I've learned to accept others' opinions, and now instead of a deep anger or flash of dislike about certain people, I just feel a sadness for those who don't feel as I do.  Let me give you an example. 

I went to brunch yesterday with my friend who just moved to town and his fiancee.  She told me about their night, how she had fallen asleep on the floor, because they (my friend and his dad) were watching (and I quote) "a boring movie".  My friend looked at me and said "We were watching Iron Man."  In my head, I was screaming "HOW IS IRON MAN A BORING MOVIE?! IT'S ESSENTIALLY A MOVIE ABOUT ROBERT DOWNEY JR. BEING ROBERT DOWNEY JR!!" but my mouth said "You think Iron Man is a boring movie?  That is so sad for you!"  See look at that.  Personal growth.  I was able to realize that by deciding that something (which is so obviously awesome) is "boring", she was shutting herself off from the greatness that she could have experienced, and that is sad!  Just like it's sad when people don't enjoy the same sort of humor I do, or I guess in the other direction, it could be sad for others that I don't like stupid things.  I'll tell you what, it saves more friendships than trying to convince people that no, Elizabethtown is really an amazing movie, and I don't care if it makes you depressed :-).

Friend Types

I'm not a very engaging person.  Which if you know me may sound ridiculous, but it's true.  I am perfectly fine around people I know, and if I'm directly involved in the conversation, I am engaged and engaging.  But put me in a room with different groups to which I don't really belong or know anybody, and I usually end up sitting quietly, listening to the many different conversations going around.  I'm not one to know exactly what to say to people when I just meet them to get them talking.  I have a few basic questions, but if there's not a spark in the conversation, we usually end up again in silence.  And it's not always awkward silence, but sometimes it's one of those silences that are a little too long.  This is why I am so blessed to have friends who understand my awkward silences and my tendency to be shy around people I don't know.

The Lifers:  I have several friends who have been around for so long, we've now spent more time as friends than we ever have apart.  These are the ones that even when we haven't seen each other in months and months, the moment we're together it's like we never were apart.  We have secret snacks and longtime jokes and nicknames, we have dreams that we've shared and we tell each other everything, even the bad stuff.  I get to spend the weekend with one of these amazing women, and I cannot wait!!!!

The Party People:  this is going to sound horrible, but I do have friends that I hang out with because they know how to have a good time.  I know when I hang out with them, there's going to be a lot of laughter, a lot of alcohol and probably some not so smart decisions made.  Like taking shots directly from a bottle.  Yeah.  I don't hang out with them all the time, but every time I do, it's memorable! :-)

The Dailies:  there are friends I have who I talk to on a daily basis.  They're the ones who know how I feel at any given moment, mainly because I tell them, and vice versa, and when I don't talk to them, I feel like something is missing in some way.

The Opposites: some of the previously mentioned friends fall into this category as well.  These are the friends I have who through some kismet of fate have become super important to me, even though we may have little to nothing in common.  I sometimes like these people the best because they challenge me to look past what I know and what I like to other possibilities and ideas, which encourages me to keep open and aware.

The Boys:  yes, there is in every single (or not single) woman's life a group of men who can be qualified as her boy friends.  These are the men (or boys in some cases) who are there for a masculine point of view, whether it's on an idea, or an issue, or sports, or what dress looks best on you.  And yeah, most boys suck at the dress one, but it's nice to get a little input from them now and then. They're also fun to flirt with and boss around :-).  I have less of these than I'd like, especially in my current area, but I really like the ones I do have!

The Obligatories: I have a few of these in my life, the friends I have who have to love me, because I am related to them.  But I am also so very very very lucky that the obligatories I have, whether they are siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles, or parents, are some of the most amazing people a woman could ever be surrounded by.  They are the rock I stand on, and some of my absolute best friends.  They all have different paths in life, and each of them march down their paths to a unique beat, with a hauntingly harmony combining us all together.

These are my friends, and while most of them don't live anywhere near me, I am eternally grateful for the love they shower me with even from miles and miles away!!

If I could teach the world to sing

Do you ever hear songs that instantly transport you back in time?  Or remind you immediately of a single person so much that it becomes "their" song?  I know we all have things like that.  When I hear 'California' by Phantom Planet, I'm transported to college, sitting in my friend's dorm room watching endless hours of The OC.  When I hear 'Amarillo by Morning' by George Strait, I'm a kid again, playing with my sisters.  When I hear 'Macarena', I'm ten, dancing to it in my best friend's bedroom.  And when I hear our ridiculous song, I'm sent back to freshman year, sitting in the hallway of my dorm, talking to you on the phone about everything under the sun, including what a strangely awesome song 'Come On Eileen' is.  Do you think it's strange that I, being a freshman in college, a woman of the world, should have had such a relationship with such a youngun as yourself?  Do you think it's strange that our relationship has lasted through the years?  There are songs I can't listen to now, you know.  Songs that have nothing to do with you, and yet remind me of you, and our in and out relationship.  And the way it ended.  However, I have gotten better.  Today when I heard our song, I laughed.  I didn't cry.  And that within itself is a big step.  It's the first time I've heard it since right after.  That shows progress, don't you think?  It was a complete surprise, and you haven't been on my mind for a while.  All of a sudden, I was sitting in the laundry room talking to you about Queens and your childhood.  I know so much, and yet so little.  You talked so much, and said so little.  You're like the Doctor in that way, you know.  You probably don't.  You didn't know how much I love that show.  There are a lot of things you didn't know.  Like how after that one time, I was so mad at you, and couldn't show it because your friends were there.  Or after that one huge fight we had, I cried myself to sleep over your idiocy.  Or after you kissed me at your birthday party, I was a complete mixed up fool.  And how I had finally decided to stop our cycle.  But I guess you did it for us, didn't you.  That's one good thing to come out of this I guess.  Though truthfully, I'd be all right with continuing the cycle, because it would mean you were here and not there.  This is the most I've written to you in a while.  I feel weird, and kind of bad, because I feel like I always want to talk to you, or talk about you, or something.  Do you think people are tired of it?  I feel like I'd be a little tired of it.  But I try not to bring it up too much.  I don't want to annoy people.  You were annoying, did you know that?  You drove me nuts sometimes.  But I always loved you.  And I always will, my Toto.