Writing about Risks

Writing about risks is hard for me.  I tend to talk all big about things and then chicken out at the last minute.  Which is how I ended up at a dive bar in Lago Vista listening to a (crappy) local country artist rather than at Moma's hanging out with an awesome band I had met the night before during SXSW 2007. Or I take the risk and it turns out badly.  Which is how I fractured my ankle freshman year (I fell off a rock wall which I had been dared to climb in my bare feet).  Risks haven't really worked out all that well for me either way. So this month's NaBloMo theme is a tough one for me.  Like today's topic, a risk that paid off.  Well I don't really know any risks that I've taken that have paid off.  At least not major ones.  I suppose that going to a college where I didn't know a soul was a risk, and that paid off big time.  I met so many amazing people in my life that I would never have met had I gone to the other school I was considering.  I suppose moving out of my former living residence three months before the (unofficial) lease was up was a risk, and it paid off, in that I now live (happily) on my own and there was no back splash from my former landlord.  I suppose those things are risks.  But I guess what holds me up is that I tend to think of risks as something that has either a good major consequence or a bad major consequence.  Not little things that have mediocre good or bad endings.

Risks and Rewards

Risks and Rewards.  It's an interesting topic to write about for my first post of March, because I'm not a risk-taker.  I tend to shy away from major scary risks, which means I probably miss out on a bunch of cool rewards.  However in my more mature age, I have come to the realization that everything is a risk.  Everything we do or don't do is taking a risk of some sort, and while some of the risks come with consequences, some come with benefits or rewards.  Why would we not strive for those benefits?  Personally, I'm making strides to overcome my naturally shy and scared personality to branch out and do things that I've been too timid to do in the past.  For example, I've always been too embarrassed to go out to eat by myself or go to the movies alone.  My oversocialized nature told me that it was bad that I didn't have anyone to go do that stuff with, and therefore I shouldn't do it.  However, I really thought about it, and came to the conclusion that that reasoning was RIDICULOUS.  Utterly and completely ridiculous.  Now I go to the movies by myself all the time.  I in fact enjoy it more, because people aren't trying to talk to me during and I can really pay attention to it!  The eating out thing I do as well, but with less positive results.  Don't get me wrong, I don't mind eating alone, especially when I have a book to read, but there are times when I feel funny sitting at a table all by myself.  However, it is a risk I have taken, and I'm glad I have!  Branching out can be fun!

Sadness (For Others)

For the most part, I'm a pretty easy going kid.  Sure I've got a couple of hot button topics (the Red Sox, Josh Groban, my religion), but usually I can take other people's opinions with a grain of understanding.  Do not judge, lest you be judged, right?  I wasn't always this easy going person though.  There was a time in the not so distant past where I would not only judge if you had a different opinion than mine, I would argue and try to convince you of the rightness of my point.  This was never about important matters like politics, or environmental issues. I don't know nearly enough for that kind of conversation.  Oh no, this girl liked to argue the point of entertainment, movies, music, books and the like.  I'm nothing if not consistent.  However, in the past couple of years, I've learned to accept others' opinions, and now instead of a deep anger or flash of dislike about certain people, I just feel a sadness for those who don't feel as I do.  Let me give you an example. 

I went to brunch yesterday with my friend who just moved to town and his fiancee.  She told me about their night, how she had fallen asleep on the floor, because they (my friend and his dad) were watching (and I quote) "a boring movie".  My friend looked at me and said "We were watching Iron Man."  In my head, I was screaming "HOW IS IRON MAN A BORING MOVIE?! IT'S ESSENTIALLY A MOVIE ABOUT ROBERT DOWNEY JR. BEING ROBERT DOWNEY JR!!" but my mouth said "You think Iron Man is a boring movie?  That is so sad for you!"  See look at that.  Personal growth.  I was able to realize that by deciding that something (which is so obviously awesome) is "boring", she was shutting herself off from the greatness that she could have experienced, and that is sad!  Just like it's sad when people don't enjoy the same sort of humor I do, or I guess in the other direction, it could be sad for others that I don't like stupid things.  I'll tell you what, it saves more friendships than trying to convince people that no, Elizabethtown is really an amazing movie, and I don't care if it makes you depressed :-).

Friend Types

I'm not a very engaging person.  Which if you know me may sound ridiculous, but it's true.  I am perfectly fine around people I know, and if I'm directly involved in the conversation, I am engaged and engaging.  But put me in a room with different groups to which I don't really belong or know anybody, and I usually end up sitting quietly, listening to the many different conversations going around.  I'm not one to know exactly what to say to people when I just meet them to get them talking.  I have a few basic questions, but if there's not a spark in the conversation, we usually end up again in silence.  And it's not always awkward silence, but sometimes it's one of those silences that are a little too long.  This is why I am so blessed to have friends who understand my awkward silences and my tendency to be shy around people I don't know.

The Lifers:  I have several friends who have been around for so long, we've now spent more time as friends than we ever have apart.  These are the ones that even when we haven't seen each other in months and months, the moment we're together it's like we never were apart.  We have secret snacks and longtime jokes and nicknames, we have dreams that we've shared and we tell each other everything, even the bad stuff.  I get to spend the weekend with one of these amazing women, and I cannot wait!!!!

The Party People:  this is going to sound horrible, but I do have friends that I hang out with because they know how to have a good time.  I know when I hang out with them, there's going to be a lot of laughter, a lot of alcohol and probably some not so smart decisions made.  Like taking shots directly from a bottle.  Yeah.  I don't hang out with them all the time, but every time I do, it's memorable! :-)

The Dailies:  there are friends I have who I talk to on a daily basis.  They're the ones who know how I feel at any given moment, mainly because I tell them, and vice versa, and when I don't talk to them, I feel like something is missing in some way.

The Opposites: some of the previously mentioned friends fall into this category as well.  These are the friends I have who through some kismet of fate have become super important to me, even though we may have little to nothing in common.  I sometimes like these people the best because they challenge me to look past what I know and what I like to other possibilities and ideas, which encourages me to keep open and aware.

The Boys:  yes, there is in every single (or not single) woman's life a group of men who can be qualified as her boy friends.  These are the men (or boys in some cases) who are there for a masculine point of view, whether it's on an idea, or an issue, or sports, or what dress looks best on you.  And yeah, most boys suck at the dress one, but it's nice to get a little input from them now and then. They're also fun to flirt with and boss around :-).  I have less of these than I'd like, especially in my current area, but I really like the ones I do have!

The Obligatories: I have a few of these in my life, the friends I have who have to love me, because I am related to them.  But I am also so very very very lucky that the obligatories I have, whether they are siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles, or parents, are some of the most amazing people a woman could ever be surrounded by.  They are the rock I stand on, and some of my absolute best friends.  They all have different paths in life, and each of them march down their paths to a unique beat, with a hauntingly harmony combining us all together.

These are my friends, and while most of them don't live anywhere near me, I am eternally grateful for the love they shower me with even from miles and miles away!!

If I could teach the world to sing

Do you ever hear songs that instantly transport you back in time?  Or remind you immediately of a single person so much that it becomes "their" song?  I know we all have things like that.  When I hear 'California' by Phantom Planet, I'm transported to college, sitting in my friend's dorm room watching endless hours of The OC.  When I hear 'Amarillo by Morning' by George Strait, I'm a kid again, playing with my sisters.  When I hear 'Macarena', I'm ten, dancing to it in my best friend's bedroom.  And when I hear our ridiculous song, I'm sent back to freshman year, sitting in the hallway of my dorm, talking to you on the phone about everything under the sun, including what a strangely awesome song 'Come On Eileen' is.  Do you think it's strange that I, being a freshman in college, a woman of the world, should have had such a relationship with such a youngun as yourself?  Do you think it's strange that our relationship has lasted through the years?  There are songs I can't listen to now, you know.  Songs that have nothing to do with you, and yet remind me of you, and our in and out relationship.  And the way it ended.  However, I have gotten better.  Today when I heard our song, I laughed.  I didn't cry.  And that within itself is a big step.  It's the first time I've heard it since right after.  That shows progress, don't you think?  It was a complete surprise, and you haven't been on my mind for a while.  All of a sudden, I was sitting in the laundry room talking to you about Queens and your childhood.  I know so much, and yet so little.  You talked so much, and said so little.  You're like the Doctor in that way, you know.  You probably don't.  You didn't know how much I love that show.  There are a lot of things you didn't know.  Like how after that one time, I was so mad at you, and couldn't show it because your friends were there.  Or after that one huge fight we had, I cried myself to sleep over your idiocy.  Or after you kissed me at your birthday party, I was a complete mixed up fool.  And how I had finally decided to stop our cycle.  But I guess you did it for us, didn't you.  That's one good thing to come out of this I guess.  Though truthfully, I'd be all right with continuing the cycle, because it would mean you were here and not there.  This is the most I've written to you in a while.  I feel weird, and kind of bad, because I feel like I always want to talk to you, or talk about you, or something.  Do you think people are tired of it?  I feel like I'd be a little tired of it.  But I try not to bring it up too much.  I don't want to annoy people.  You were annoying, did you know that?  You drove me nuts sometimes.  But I always loved you.  And I always will, my Toto.

Repeats

There are a lot of people I know who read a book once or watch a movie once or a TV series once and they're done with it.  They don't need to read it or watch it again because they've already seen it or read it, and they know what happens.  I am not at all one of those people.  I think there are two sides to this coin, as there are to every situation.  The one side is that by only doing something once opens you up to new things, and you don't get bogged down doing the same thing over and over and over again (which if you expect the same thing each time is the definition of insanity).  Reading or watching the same things can be a way of becoming stuck in a constant, never-moving area.  You don't get to try new things because you're drawn by the compulsion to do the same things you've already done, and if you're not careful, you get stuck there for a very long time.  Thus you become boring and blah.

The other side is that by repeating books or movies or TV shows, not only do you get to continue your relationship with said story (because let's face it, it is a relationship of sorts, albeit a one-sided one), you also learn new things every time you read or watch.  For example, I am currently reading two books which I have read before.  One is a classic, a fantastic book that I've read a million and twelve times and every time I read it, I find something that strikes me anew (review coming soon Linds!).  The other is a continuation of a series I've read before, but I have only read this book once.  I'm rereading it because I got the final books in the series for Christmas and I found myself forgetting who characters were and what the deal was.  So I'm rereading and on this second read I am able to look past the basic story into the deeper connections between the characters and the events happening in the story.  There are people who can do that their first read through, but I am not one of them.  I first read for the story, then I reread for the details.

It's the same thing with movies and TV shows.  Of course some movies I rewatch because of the story or the dialogue or whatever, but there are some I just feel compelled to watch because I missed something the first time.  Or I caught it but I didn't realize its significance.  Which brings me to my dilemma for this weekend.  For the first time in a while I have absolutely nothing to do.  I have a little laundry to be done and my dishes need washed, but other than those rather small chores, my weekend lies wide open.  Here is my problem.  I want to have a marathon of sorts, where I hunker down on the couch and watch a series only to emerge for food sleep and church.  But what should I watch?  I am in full nerd mode at the moment, so I'm fluctuating between rewatching Season 1 and Season 2 of Sherlock, rewatching the entire 6 seasons of Doctor Who,  or jumping into a completely new series, such as Firefly, which wouldn't take me long, since there's only one season, or Supernatural.  Or should I watching something completely different, like Gilmore Girls or Friends?  I have a feeling it will end up being me drawing names from a hat or playing eenie meenie minie mo.  But I'll let you know how it turns out :-). 

Wedding Plans

Now before we all freak out because "What do you MEAN WEDDING PLANS?! YOU'RE GETTING MARRIED?!"  No, I am not getting married, at the moment or any time in the near future.  My future husband is releasing a new record in a month, so he's a little busy.  Plus he has no idea who I am, but hey I'm optimistic :-).

ANYWAYS!  I'm not getting married, but two of my best friends have accepted a marriage proposal from their significant others, and so they're getting married, and have both asked me to be in the wedding.  Well it was less of an ask, and more of an assumption.  I mean I've known one of these girls for twenty years (WHAT?!) and we've always said we would be in each other's weddings, and the other I've known for twelve years, and that's a pretty long time as well!!  So yeah, I've been asked to be in two weddings this year, and I've accepted both.

When I accepted the first, it was a total no brainer.  I'd be there with bells on my fingers and rings on my toes.  When I accepted the second, it of course was a no brainer as well, but it was more thought about because OMG what if they overlap?  That would totally and completely SUCK.  However, there are two potential dates for one, and a pretty sure date for the other and while they're close, they don't overlap.

My beautiful amazing friend Ally is getting married November 23.  When I first heard that, I had a slight freak out  which I think I hid pretty well from her.  In my head, that was the weekend after Thanksgiving.  My family goes to Oklahoma for Thanksgiving, and I had no idea how I was going to get from Oklahoma to San Antonio in a reasonable amount of time without flying and not having a car there.  But then I checked.  Thanksgiving is the NEXT week, which means my freak out was for nothing.  Yay for nothing freakouts!

My amazingly wonderful friend Amber has two potential dates working for her, and from what I can tell, they'd both be fine with me.  Though one is Nov. 8th, and that would put both weddings in November.  Though that might work out better!  Who knows!

All I know is I am very excited and honored to be a part of these two wonderful women's special days.  Now it's time to start saving for them!!!